Hotel Jokes
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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major
status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be
perfect. At the very last minute,
she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so
she asked her husband to run
down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some
snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed.

He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling
alongside the water
just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself
"Wouldn't it be great if she
would even just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the
snails.

All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right
over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at
her apartment
a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot
and heavy,
that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.

At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!!
My wife's dinner party!!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket,
and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs
of his apartment.
He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he
dropped the bucket of snails.

There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a
very angry wife
standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.

He looked at the snails on the steps, then he looked at her, then back
at the snails and said -
"Come on guys, we're almost there!"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.  After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone...
    He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband
will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make
sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day.  Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.  And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
   On the way home, the husband asked his wife...
    "What did the doctor say?"
    "You're going to die," she replied...

CUSTOMER: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager.

WAITER: It’s no use. He won’t eat either.

The customer entered a restaurant and called the waiter over in disgust: hey what do u call this stuff? Tea or coffee? It tastes like kerosene…

The waiter replied: then it must be tea… Our coffee tastes like petrol !