This is not my real resume, this is funny stuff for heaven's sake. I
need to state this upfront to avoid missing out on job opportunities
like from those 3 HR managers who rejected me after logging onto
PS - The chap who
appointed me lost his job.
PPS - Smoking is
injurious to your health.
An Open Job
NAME: Gaurav Jalan
Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't
be applying here in the first place.
$. 24,00,000 a year plus stock
options and a mind-blowing severance package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Once a Day.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management
Less than what I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of office
pens, and stationery.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL
CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question
here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL
AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
Won the arm-wrestling matches during
two consecutive lunch breaks
DO YOU SMOKE?
Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING
IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing
since sliced bread. Actually, come to think of it, I'd like to be
doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE
IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
No, but I dare you to prove
Gaurav Jalan :